“Does anyone have any reason why these two should not be joined in matrimony? Speak or forever hold your peace,” the minister said. There is silence. The groom’s heart is racing; he starts to sweat small small. The bride stares at him with squinting eyes. Everyone in the aisles glances about in anticipation. Still silence. The groom breathes a sigh of relief. And then the doors slams open and the Side Chick Geng make their entrance. “I OBJECT!”
You’d think it’s a telenovela but trust it’s Ghana. It’s almost like a cliche movie but let’s face facts: a lot of Ghanaian weddings have become clichéd and we love it. I mean, if it trends and it works then keep it until you exhaust it die.
Wedding guests are always major fixtures at Ghanaian weddings. We have the aunties that the bride hasn’t seen in over 10 years but somehow they know everything about the groom’s family. Even his blood type. Or the bachelors (and sometimes not so single men) who make it their duty to body guard any buxom or curvaceous lady friend of the bride.
We are honestly surprised Ghallywood has not made a Ghanaian version of the Wedding Party. Until that happens we will be sharing our cast of characters.
Here are 5 types of people you’ll find at a typical Ghanaian wedding.
1. The Inquisitive Aunties.
These are the women that will always be asking “When will you marry, when will you marry?”. Now, on the day of the wedding you will see them frowning and pointing out every thing that is wrong. “This dress material de33…hmm.”
2. The Overzealous MC
Your job is to come and do wedding reception, solicit donations and go, but no oh. They wrote on their CV that they go over and beyond to please customers and go over and beyond they will do. They will point out every insecurity or anxious expression the groom or the bride makes. They’ll embarrass you and then say, “Wu f3re anaa?” Imagine that.
3. The So You Think You Can Dance Geng
Weddings are supposed to be beautiful, elegant full of poise and…no! This geng aren’t about that calm and collected life. One of their own is getting married so they must to celebrate. These are ones who will turn the dance floor with asabone moves that will make you want to hide your face.
4. The “Akweley Y3 Shia” Squad
They didn’t come to a wedding. They came to a buffet. They need you to be snappy with the service and start the reception. You think they carried two tote bags to your wedding to give you gifts? You lie bad. They came to chop-chop and carry more chow for their other three stomachs at home.
5. The Too-Known Camera Man
Issokay issokay, we know you are doing your job. But they will be doing the absolute most. Somersaulting and jumping here and there as if they are National Geographic photographers shooting lions in the wild. And the annoying thing is they will send you the photo album 6 months after the wedding hashtag has cast.
6. The Rowdy Fellas
They’ll make noise and hype the groom from start to finish. They’ll shove anyone aside as they make their presence known. But it’s all love. Mark time by leeping count of the number of Guinness bottles around them. When it passes six then you know the wedding party is just getting started.