6 subtle but overlooked signs to spot if you’re in a toxic relationship

Do you feel lost, misunderstood or unheard in your relationship? Do you feel depressed, anxious or always upset? These are all symptoms of an underlying issue.

Not everyone gets to be lucky in love. We would know. We still have Christina Perri’s Jaw of Hearts at the top of our Spotify playlist.

Sadly, the heart wants what the heart wants until it can’t handle it no more.

You know that feeling of realisation that hits you when you’re recounting aspects of a failed relationship to a friend and they point out how toxic you were treated? Well, we don’t want you feeling like that anymore.

Relationships are work, but that doesn’t mean one needs to put up with abuse. Sometimes it is difficult to notice certain toxic traits from your significant other. Maybe it’s because you are blinded with love. Maybe it’s because abuse isn’t always physical but also cunning and psychological.

Bottom line: if it makes you feel worse then it’s definitely not right.

So before you find yourself in a 0 to 100 toxic moment, we decided to share 6 subtle signs to spot if you’re in a toxic relationship.

1. If your S/O apologises by saying “I can’t live without you”.

That is a red flag. This is not only manipulative but also alarming. There is a fine line between love and obsession. Love gives, obsessions take. If you hear this from your s/o kindly do well to advise yourself.

2. When you invest your personal beliefs in your S/O opinions.

Investing all your personal beliefs and choices in what your significant other thinks is unhealthy for your relationship. According to Gary Lewandowski Jr., PhD, a professor of psychology at Monmouth University. “A partner who offers unsolicited suggestions for what you need to improve, doesn’t support your interests or hobbies, and fundamentally criticizes aspects of who you are is definitely toxic.” Look sharp. Stay smart.

3. When your S/O says “If you leave me I will die.”

This may sound romantic to some but this is a toxic trait you should not overlook. Heartbreak is real and we do not downplay suicide or any adverse actions taken by individuals who’ve been brokeb hearted. However, if your partner says this (especially in the beginning stages of your relationship) please exit. This comment is not only manipulative but abusive. This only keeps you anchored in a relationship that brings you no joy.

4. You’re not practicing self-care.

If you’re neglecting Me Time for any reason it’s a sign the relationship is turning toxic. You’re voluntarily dropping all your personal and professional activities in favor of their schedule? You aren’t in a healthy place, please.

5. When your partner stonewalls you.

Fights are a normal part of relationships. But when these fights meet a stonewall is where there is an issue. Stonewalling, according to therapists, is when your partner shuts you down when you try to bring up something that’s bothering you. If they stop listening to you and say they don’t want to talk about said issue, act unresponsive, or even straight up walk away when you want to discuss something of importance, then that is a sign that you’re not in a healthy relationship.

6. You’re always making excuses for for behavior.

If you’re always trying to rationalize your partner’s actions—whether it’s their emotional unavailability, lack of empathy, habit of being obnoxious to your friends, or lack of support—that’s a problem. Making excuses for bad behavior is an overlooked sign of a toxic relationship for many.

If your partner isn’t listening to your concerns or trying to improve, you may want to at least consider a split.

Photo Credit: Emmanuel Obuobi

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