Navigating relationships these days seems to be a hell of a lot more complicated than ever.
Who knew friendships were actually more complicated than romantic relationships?
And romantic entanglements can be pretty complicated, so imagine that! If anyone is fit to give advice on this, it definitely is Toke Makinwa.
The Nigerian star has had her relationships dissected and discussed in the public eye in the past few years more than any other star.
In her latest vlog she talks about closure and moving on, and here are a few important things we learnt:
“People who still want to be friends after a toxic relationship either have serious closure issues or don’t know what being friends actually mean.”
Simple. If someone did you dirty, it only makes sense that you move away from them and their dirt.
Before you talk of friendship, define what friends do for and to friends. Is that what they did to you? Is that what you did to them? Yes? No? Now, move accordingly.
Closure is a trap to promote toxic behaviours and situations.
Sitting down for closure after it didn’t work out is one sure fire way of continuing to subject yourself to the same things that led to whatever you and them had not working. If it didn’t work, it didn’t work. This is not WASSCE or BECE where you sit and solve past questions to get a better grade the next time.
People like to absolve themselves of their guilt and so they shove it onto you, onto your brokenness.
Nobody likes to feel guilt, so looking for closure is you giving the other party an opportunity to shift their guilt to you. They’ll make you doubt yourself, make you feel like you’re even responsible for them and their actions. Sometimes they may even get you trying to console them and make things better for them, even after they put you down.
When it ends, cry in your room for as long as you need, then step out in style and continue to be a baby girl.
After you’ve shed all the tears your eyes can produce for whomever and whatever they did to you, continue moving. They didn’t come through for you when you needed them, so now that you do not need them there’s no need to waste time setting a table for a closure meeting. Let go of how things could have been and accept that things happened like they did and then you’ll move on.
Protect your peace, live proud and love hard.
Watch Toke Makinwa’s full video here